By Amy Frost

The time has come for us to call abuse at work what it is…abuse.  The unseen killer of the human spirit needs to be brought out into the open and resolved. Disempowered individuals need to recognize that the problem can be changed.  Abusive corporate structures and personnel cannot be changed by band-aid interventions like group dynamics, job enrichment, and educational seminars. The managers who abuse and coworkers who demean must change their basic view of people and motivation. The following strategies are intended to empower you to take action towards a healthy way of working. 

Here are some of the steps to break the chain: 

  Admit the Problem: Coming out of denial is the first step. Sometimes the pain from the abuse has to become so great that in desperation we admit, “We cannot go on like this any longer.” We then begin to look for options other than being trapped.  Abuse is receiver defined. You don’t have to wait until you hit your limits.  You have to learn what is abusive to you.  This is also a good time to look at your own actions.  Are you helping to perpetuate a cycle of abuse by not standing up for yourself or letting the pain roll down hill to those around you?  

  Gather Information: A journal of abusive incidents reminds you of the severity of the situation. It gives you ammunition when you report to appropriate authorities or superiors.  It helps you to divorce yourself from the issues and define the real source of the problem.  Ask others to document and write memos for you. This will empower the entire group and add more strength to your claims. 

  Set Appropriate Boundaries: Learning to stand up for yourself and others is essential in  breaking the chain of abuse. “Just say no” is futile unless it can be backed up with consequences. This also gives you the freedom to say yes and feel good about it.  

Heal Yourself from the Past: If you have suffered from abuse earlier in life, recognize the patterns you may be living today. For example, you may be defending the abuser and thinking that the pain is normal.  Be gentle with yourself as you grow out of accepting abuse as normal.  Now is the time to ensure that you are not self abusing in addition to the external abuse.  Listen to your “self talk.”  Would you say to a friend what you are saying to yourself?  Be patient and view personal empowerment as a process.  Learn from others who have walked the path of empowerment.

  Create a ‘tool-box’ of skills: There are many ways to stop the cycle of abuse.  Different situations demand different skills. Discovering the abuser’s hot buttons and the situations in which they are likely to be abusive and consciously avoiding them is a self-protective strategy. Assertiveness training helps you make your needs known. Critical thinking strategies can be developed to disarm some difficult people.  This involves responding to irrational requests in common sense ways.  

 (Editor’s note:  Amy Frost serves on the MilTRAC advisory board, helping us to frame articles like this to help others in transition understand how to identify topics that will impact their post-military careers.)